I remember everything that happened before, during and after that dark night of November 1997. To me, it seems this was just yesterday. I wish you could just listen without judging me. For, I am the toughest judge on myself and the cross that I carry on my back forever has gotten just heavier with time. I have some silly consolations in my life and the best is that at the end of times, nothing will matter anymore because we all will h
ave to go, sooner or later, for better or for worse. Maybe just some people have to go before us. This is the true story that happened to my family in the mountains of Peru in the evening of November 9th, 1997. Perhaps my twisted mind may have changed some details, maybe my delusion has invented things that were not there. But to the best of my knowledge, what I say is the truth, as I have nothing to hide. Maybe it is difficult to remain objective without turning emotional . I am not looking for pity, and as surreal as my story may sound, it's the true story that happened to me and my family on that dark day of November 1997.
A new carMy dad had recently bought a new car (a Hyundai Galloper) and he was eager to go to places to try his new car. I believe his car had less than 3,000 km on the odometer at the time the accident happened. The Galloper was a car made by the Korean Hyundai and it was a licensed copy of a first generation Mitsubishi Pajero (launched in 1982). However, the price was much lower than a Mitsubishi, something that my parents could not afford. Certainly, Hyundai would never tell you what were the limitations of the Galloper in comparison to the original Mitsubishi and we never knew if the car was even safe.
Manufacturers like Hyundai seemed to promote themselves as safety innovators. For example, placing a bar inside the door, would make them advertise their cars as collision safe. This advertisement sometimes leads the consumer to false perceptions of safety. What about ventilated disk brakes or ABS brakes? What about airbags? Certainly this car had none of that. But in a country like Peru, new cars have been always extremely expensive. This, tog
ether with the already low income of most people in Peru, makes buying a new car, a luxury. It can be expected that car
s could cost 50% to more than 100% than in other more competitive markets. And even then, the cars sold will be a low-end version of their counterparts in other countries. Taxes can be very heavy. Because of this, the Hyundai seemed an attractive choice for my dad. And safety features that can improve your chances to survive in an accident are secondary. Now you must understand that my family has never been rich. They are a struggling middle class family coming from very humble origins. So buying a new car is something that couldn't be taken lightly (as I am sure is probably the same thing in many families).
Doomsday (The Catastrophic visit)
Earlier during the week that this event happened, a distant relative had visited my dad's garage to have his car checked. He was going to make a trip to the Andes city of Huancayo because his godchild would take her first communion. My dad, eager to travel with his new car, decided to join t
hem on Sunday. He felt it would be interesting to travel to Huancayo with his new car. However, this was not the first trip we took together with the new car. At this time, my dad and I had a terrible relationship because from my point of view, he had been somewhat responsible in the failure of the relationship with my back then girlfriend. And he was constantly critical of me and my thinking and would use harsh words to describe me. So my mother was happy because at least with the new car, we would travel together, something that we hadn't done for quite some time. This distant relative was the brother of the husband of a late aunt (another sister of my mother). I will refer to this person simply as HS, after his first name and last name initials for many reasons that will come evident as I develop more into what happened on the night of November 9th, 1997. 
The "Central highway" is a 2-lane road (single lane on each direction) so do not think of it as a large highway. If you begin your trip in Lima, the road goes uphill to the East following the path of the Rimac river which flows downhill on its way to the Pacific Ocean. Near the origin of the river, the road reaches the pass of Anticona in Ticlio (over 4,900 meters above sea level). From there, after crossing the slopes of the top mountains, the road follows a quick descent following the path of the Mantaro river, which flows to the east, and passes through the mining town of La Oroya. From La Oroya, the road diverts. One road (to the south) heads to Huancayo; the other heads to Cerro de Pasco and the rain forest.
I am not a civil engineer, but I think you do not need to be a rocket scientist to agree that the design of this road (and many others in Peru) is quite limited in terms of safety. Running parallel to the road, on the sides, the driver will encounter uncovered ditches (canals) that are to vacate water from the rain. Don't get me wrong, the ditches aren't missing their respective covers. They have been designed to stay this way, which is uncovered. The road contains sharp turns, dark tunnels, steep climbs (and steep down hills), several bridges (to cross from one side of the creek to the other) and also, the signaling is poor. Safety guards are scarce. In most of the road, to one side, the driver will face a cliff and to the other side, the face of the mountains. Because this is the only asphalted road connecting the capital to the central part of Peru, it is congested with buses, heavy trucks, vans and cars. So in many parts of the road, drivers will face heavy trucks moving slowly. Since this is only a 2 lane road, passing can be troublesome. The road does not have passing lanes, so passing is done strictly by invading the incoming traffic lane, which if you are headed east, you must do uphill. Also, the road passes through small towns with homes that are always placed to both sides of the road. This is perilous since the drivers may often encounter slow local traffic, objects, debris, pedestrians and children, vehicles parked on the sides of the road, street vendors and unmarked speed bumps on the road. It must be mentioned that pedestrians can be very hazardous in Peru (negligent). Drivers will also encounter tricycles powered by a motor engine, wagon carts (human-powered or motor-powered), mules and donkeys on the road.
Sometimes falling rocks and debris are a constant danger on the road as the mountain sides are not protected against rock slides. Also the road may be under continuous maintenance. In some places the central railroad will cross the road at different places without any safety measures (no train crossing bars to close the road). The surface of the road may have potholes, unmarked speed bumps and sudden grooves across the width of the road to clear water, and it can also endure persistent rain, ice and snow in the higher altitudes of its course and during the rainy season, it may be blocked by mud and rock slides. The Trip We left Lima on early Sunday morning November 9th, 1997 around 1:00am and drove all night to the mountain city of Huancayo. We took the "Central Highway" as this is the only road to go the central mountains. The weather was fine. There was no rain and there was some moonlight. The road was free of debris and because it was late, the ongoing and incoming traffic were very scarce. My dad drove most of the way and I drove part of the way. We made one short stop around the Huascacocha lagoon right before sunrise. Sunlight hit us shortly before reaching La Oroya. Shortly after passing the detour to the town of Jauja, we saw an accident. A person had been hit by a car and killed. Because this happened in a place where there were houses at the sides of the road, many people were outside as curious watchers (most likely, something so common in sub-developed countries). Upon arrival to Huancayo, we noticed yellow flowers in a garden that adorned a welcoming sign to the city. My mom was happy to see those flowers which she said were so beautiful. We arrived to Huancayo around 7:30am and went to the store-house of Mr. Watanabe where HS was staying. The daughter of Mr. Watanabe was receiving her first communion and HS and his mother drove their older black Jeep Cherokee for this event (since as I said earlier, HS was the godfather). The first communion was held on Saturday, so HS had made the trip on Friday afternoon. The first Mr. Watanabe (the father of Mr. Watanabe) was an older Japanese immigrant from Fukushima, Japan and had settled in this Andean town (3,500 meters above sea level) over 50 years ago.
Because it was still early when we arrived, my dad parked the car nearby and then went to see them. He returned shortly and decided to have breakfast at a restaurant around a nearby plaza. At that time, the plaza's statue was under repair. We had fresh milk and fresh bread with locally made cheese. My mom bought some extra cheese to bring home. She placed the cheese inside a cooler. By the time we had finished breakfast, the sun was shining outside.
We drove back to the home of Mr. Watanabe. At that time, around 9:00am, there was a local parade that passed through the street in which Mr. Watanabe's store is located. My mom regretted that we did not take any pictures of this, because the local people were wearing their traditional costumes and were dancing to music and a folkloric marching band. Then we walked to a nearby street market, on the way there, there was some construction going on the streets, so many streets were closed and it was a bit difficult to walk. My mom was looking to buy some Indian souvenirs because my elder sister was having her first baby and my mom would visit her during her delivery (in the US). She bought an Indian hat, socks and mittens as souvenirs for her coming grandchild. My mom was very excited; as I can imagine all grandparents would be so she was planning how to do about her coming grandchild. However, on the way back to the store, my mom felt sick from the altitude. So she sat in the car. At that time, I remember I had a disagreement with my dad, whose demanding character was always a constant reason for me to fight. My mom told me that she would like me to one day, not fight with my dad. She said that my dad could never change his way but that the best way for me was maybe to keep quiet and calm. She said to me that she would be happy if there was peace. Maybe I was too immature (and I still am), but I just couldn't understand why my dad would always want to oppress me (something that happens most likely without him knowing). Later Mr. Watanabe and HS came out and it was decided to go to Ingenio for lunch. Ingenio is a trout farm and is nearby. We drove this distance but first stopped to put some fuel. After arriving to Ingenio, first we visited the farm and then walked to the restaurant. The restaurant was set in a rural atmosphere, it was open (no walls), the floor was made of cement and the chairs were made of osier. The weather was fine, sunny but a bit chilly. We sat along a long table, 10 or 11 people including kids. Since this restaurant was part of the trout farm, we had trout for lunch. I took pictures for my mom with her camera (a camera that my sister had given her) so she could show my sister later. I didn't know these would be the last pictures taken of my mom.
Fatal Decision Because my parents were feeling altitude sick, we took the decision to begin the trip back home. It must have been around 4:00pm by then. HS said then that he will also go back home and to wait so we could caravan. While walking to the car, I saw a bus from Imperial, Canete (a town somewhere else which I knew well) and because I was interested in the route they had taken to arrive to Huancayo, I spoke shortly to the driver (he told me that they had taken the long way instead of the short way because the road was very bad the short way). By the time we arrived to the car, my parents were sleepy, out of breath and had a headache due to altitude sickness. So they both sat on the back. My dad sat on the right and my mom on the left side. My aunt sat in the front seat. My dad insisted that my aunt sat on the front. I drove following both cars, Watanabe's red Nissan Fiera double cabin pickup truck and HS's black Cherokee. When we reached the main road, Mr. Watanabe drove towards Huancayo. We and HS drove towards Lima. Watanabe waved us goodbye. 
At this time, there was traffic on the road and there was sunlight. The truth is that I could not keep the pace with HS. He was speeding; I didn't know the road well and moreover, I didn't feel safe to go faster. Perhaps the car wouldn't go faster either. But we were going in a caravan so I tried my best to follow him. Between the Jauja detour and La Oroya, there was a highway patrol police standing. However, the traffic kept going and so did we. Most of the way, we could not follow the car of HS. He was going too fast (I estimate he was driving at speeds near 140 kph in parts of the road). So for most of the way back, I would lose sight of him. When we arrived to Ticlio (the highest point in the highway), we found HS waiting for us. When he saw us, he proceeded but he didn't slow down, he continued at his own pace. From Ticlio to the west, the road goes downhill, in many parts in a steep downhill zig zagging mountains. So the driving may become dangerous.
The Darkest Moment We crossed the place called Infiernillo (Little Hell) around 6:00pm and still with daylight. The town of San Mateo was crossed right before dawn. Here, there was a big traffic jam and we had difficulties following HS who was driving negligently, invading the other lane to pass cars. From my point of view, he was very urged to arrive home. 
After passing through San Mateo, the night fell on us. We could see HS only from very far away or not see him at all. We could not come close to him. If we would get close within reach, it was like he would speed even more (at least this was my perception). In order to follow him, I turned on the bright headlights and auxiliary lights (the highway was very dark at this time and it was raining lightly). I was playing a tape of The Cure on the stereo. The only time I came close to him, he turned on a pirate light (a bright headlight) he had installed on his rear bumper and flashed me. He passed a car, which I passed too with many difficulties. A Toyota Tercel, green or blue sped up as I tried to pass him on the left side (opposite traffic line) so I had to move faster than i was already going to finish passing him. Then suddenly I entered a tunnel. I believe I entered the tunnel a bit disoriented from the headlight of the black Cherokee. I saw no signs, my eyes still somewhat blinded. And immediately after the tunnel, I found a curve that I didn't expect. I had no time to react, but to simply say "oh my God". Maybe my inexperience (but I had been driving for many years already, including highway and road driving), maybe I felt confident that nothing could happen to us, maybe I was too tired, maybe I was in a hurry to go home so my parents could feel better at the low altitude of Lima, maybe I was negligent.
The car went off the road straight and it was propelled out of the highway. No signs, no fences were placed at this curve and it was difficult for a driver to see the road ahead. My dad woke up and I just heard screams as the car went off the road and down a cliff to the river creek. Propelled by the parallel groove running along the road, the car flew into the abyss. The car went down flipping several times, hitting the side of the cliff and down to the river. The time was about 7:00pm. And it was dark outside.
When I woke up, I said aloud "Don't worry! I am gonna save you all". I got out of the car and I saw the wheels were still turning, the car flipped on its rooftop which seemed destroyed. I climbed up to the road to look for help but I could not find anybody to help. I went back down and I got my mother out of the car. I had to cut the seat belt with a piece of glass from the shattered windows. She had a severe cut on her forehead, as if something had hit her head. At that time, deep inside I knew, that there was nothing that could be done to save my mom. Two men came to help me from the road and together we took my mom to the side of the highway. I tried to revive my mom but nothing happened. A small bus going up saw us and stopped. I asked him to bring us to San Mateo but he said he was going up (East) and that the town of Matucana was closer. I begged him to tell the police about the accident and to look for help. I do not know if my brain was working well. But somehow I had the strength to leave my mom and go down to the car again to rescue my dad and aunt. He had regained some consciousness and my aunt was screaming about her pain. She had broken some ribs and perforated her lungs, so she could not breathe well. My dad told me that my mom was fine because she was moving her leg. But I think this couldn't be possible. My aunt was rescued next. At this time, an elder lady and her son stopped to help. They were determined to help me. Her son turned her bright headlights so we could be able to see well. This Chinese-Peruvian family, whom later I will know better, helped me get my dad out of the car and a police pickup truck passing nearby, took my aunt to the nearby hospital at Matucana. This lady and her son did everything they could to help and stayed with me until I reached the hospital in Lima.
My dad was complaining about his leg, as his leg at the hip had dislocated. A small bus going west had stopped and out of the drivers' nobility, offered to bring my dad down to the hospital at the nearby town of Matucana. This was the most difficult moment in my entire life. Should I abandon my own mother right there at the side of the road? Shall I ignore my aunt and dad and just let the hospital take care of them? If you are familiar with the hospitals in many parts of Peru, they are simply below par. They do not have the basic services to treat people, less to save lives. And usually the doctors are trainees. I don't know how I left my mother right there, her lifeless body in the dark side of the road. I should have stayed there with her until the last minute. I don't know how, but I told myself clearly that there was nothing I could do to save my mom, but that I could still save my other family members. I kissed my mom goodbye and told her I am sorry. I knew she was gone, her hands were so cold. I went inside the bus with my dad. But what if I had taken my mother to the hospital, would she have had any chances? Was she dead? But, I felt how her body temperature dropped drastically and her body became cold. And I know she wasn't breathing, and I know her cut was so severe that there was an indentation on her skull. How could anyone survive this? It is just not possible. So I want to think that it was my mother, who told me to go take care of the rest.
When I left, the site of the accident was full of curious people. Many cars had stopped around. Curious
people mostly. The elder lady, found a man and asked him to stay there to take care of my mom. Whatever happened from then until the time that my family members arrived to the site of the accident is unknown to me. And I certainly don't want to think anything more about that. When I arrived to the hospital in Matucana, I went to see my dad and my aunt first. My aunt was in severe pain and both were lying without being able to move on beds. My dad had decided that they should be transferred to Lima. I was able to make one phone call and requested help. I called a family member whose phone number I remembered but I couldn't reach them. I don't know how many numbers I dialed until I reached someone. A young woman came to me and asked me to sit down because I was in shock (whatever she meant). She said she was the girlfriend of the trainee doctor and that her job was to help patients calm down during a crisis.
Moments later, a policeman came and interrogated me in the hospital lobby and took all my information. He asked me for my drivers license but I had left my wallet with my foreign driver's license inside the car. I had not a single dime in my pocket and I told the policeman to please do not allow my mother's purse to be lost. He asked me if there was any money inside, and I said, yes, like 500 soles (or about 200 usd). He said, "if it gets lost, it gets lost, it is not a lot of money anyways" ("si se pierde que importa, ni siquiera es mucho dinero"). I also told him that inside the car was a camera with the last pictures of my mom. I told him this
is very important for me. He seemed to not care at all. I guess I don't need to tell you that the camera was stolen, that my mom's purse was stolen and my wallet was also stolen, as also anything else that was of any value. The ambulance would transfer my dad and my aunt for a fee; I don't who paid for this. I think the elder lady paid for this and later, my family reimbursed her. My mom didn't make the trip to the hospital until the next day. The elder lady and her son drove me to the hospital. They lend me clothing to change because I was stained with blood everywhere. At the Clinic in Lima, all our relatives were waiting for us. My cousins went to the accident site (more than 80 km away); my uncle arranged the rescue of the vehicle and the funeral of my mom. But I was still thinking, maybe my mom survived? That night, my dad was told that my mom was in critical condition and because of that had been taken first to another hospital. I know, deep inside my dad, never bought this excuse. He said, "it is so strange...”. 
My two sisters were called by an uncle (the brother of HS) and told that we had a serious accident and that my mom had been injured. When she received a second phone call, my sister asked my uncle to tell her the truth. Both my sisters took a flight the next morning. That night I stayed with my cousin. The next morning I went to the hospital to see my dad and he already knew what had happened. I cried.
Farewell Mom At the viewing, we saw HS. He told me he was very sorry and that they had waited for us for a long time but that we didn't come, so they had decided to drive up to Ticlio, the last place where we last saw each other, but that they saw nothing. Unfortunately, as I will continue to claim forever, this is impossible. This can't be. Anybody who knows Peru well, will clearly understand that an accident like this will attract many by-standers and curious people that will gather around the place. Certainly, even though the site of the accident was not next to any town, many cars had stopped by the time we left for the hospital. There is only one road on the way to Ticlio, place he claims he returned to look for us. But how could he claim that he went all the way back to look for us without seeing all the tumult on the narrow highway? How could it be possible for him to go up all the way without seeing anything? Did he feel responsible about the accident? Did his mother ask him to slow down to wait for us? Who knows any of the answers to these questions?
The second night, I stayed with another cousin, I think. Maybe my memory fails to me. I remember more details that my uncle and cousin told me about the accident and the recovery of my mom and the car. They had been so busy the whole day trying to get my mom. But I don't want to say more about that. It is simply too painful so i will keep them inside me and swallow them. My sisters arrived in the morning of the day of the funeral. Many people came to say good-bye to my beloved mom. Because my mom was a woman that everybody knew for her kindness and sweetness, she was mourned by many. Her friends came from many places. They just didn't understand how any of this could be. My mother was buried in a local cemetery in the afternoon of November 11th, 2007. I was strong enough to thank the family and friends for their support and said goodbye to my mom. My dad was on a hospital bed and he couldn’t attend the funeral. My dad was married to my mom for more than 30 years and he never saw my mom again. 
Aftermath The day after the funeral I went to the police, division of motor vehicle accidents with a lawyer. The lawyer was a former colonel of the police whom my uncle (my dad's brother) had gotten for me. Before showing there, the lawyer told me to not mention that we had been driving with another car in a caravan. He said that this would mean we may have been going too fast. I don't know if we were going too fast. But I know that somebody flashed an illegal rear bright headlight at me and that it was very difficult to keep close to the other car that supposedly was part of our caravan. I also know that there was another car involved that would not let me pass him once I was on the left side of the road. At the station I was incriminated by the police and showed horrible pictures of the accident which I refused to see. The policeman asked me in what gear I had been driving. I said I don't know. He told me that this accident was due to high speed. In response I could only say this was a diesel car and it was new, therefore it couldn't be driven too fast. He also told me that because of his job he would see accidents every day, so he had no feelings about anything that he was showing me or telling me. The attorney said that a traffic sign needed to be placed warning that a curve is coming. The curve is exactly outside a tunnel. The policeman replied saying that there is a sign right after the tunnel is over and right before the curve (the tunnel is 190 meters long). So I was not allowed to mention that there was another car with us. I was not allowed to mention that this car had flashed me with an illegal pirate light installed on the rear bumper of his car. This way, I took all the blame. But it is all right, because no punishment can hurt more than what happened to my mom because of my actions. I was told by a family member that it was my fault only because even though we were going in a caravan, I could decide to not follow the other vehicle. An uncle said I had killed my mother. One month later, the district attorney prosecuted me for "culpable homicide" (involuntary manslaughter). Afterthoughts Until today, more than 10 years later, I remember absolutely everything with clear details. Time just won't let me forget what happened that night. My heart won't let me forget. So I know deep inside that one mistake of mine, cost my mom her life. And God knows that if I could take it all back, I would give my life happily for my mom in the flash of a second. I wouldn't think twice, I would not
hesitate and I wouldn’t be afraid. Cruel Life, You see so many bad people out there hurting others and nothing bad happens to them. My mom was a good person that would never harm anyone. She was a loyal wife, dedicated mother, caring daughter, helping sister and sweet friend whom I will never forget. Indeed, she lives within me every minute of my life. And if I could simply take it all back, I would. Countless times I have thought how to solve the unsolvable. What if I would have done this, What if I wouldn't have done that. Too many ifs, too many regrets, too much sorrow, too much pain. But consequences are the product of my poor judgement and negligence. But there is no greater punishment than the one a person can carry inside always. Guilt is not easy to fade, time only blur it.I know that the roads down there are not safe. I know that most people care about anyone else but themselves. I know that people there live in a “me first” culture. And certainly HS didn’t care much about us. Not only did he lie to everybody about his whereabouts while I was rescuing my parents and my aunt, but also he contributed to the cause of the accident. Should we not have caravanned with him, or should he have slowed down when he saw that we couldn’t follow up, maybe I wouldn’t have had to regret the loss of my mom. Maybe if he hadn’t flashed me with a pirate rear headlight, nothing would have happened. But so many ifs do no good anymore. My mom has been dead for more than 10 years and during all this time I have often lived my life lamenting what happened. It is easy for many to say “you need help”, “live your life”, “move on”, “don’t be silly”, “your mom wouldn’t want you to be like this”, “don’t be immature”, “grow up”, “you sound like ..”, “don’t try to be a hero”, “contribute to society”, “don’t hate that person”, etc. But I think they got it all wrong. But again, they have not been through any similar experience and I wish they never have to go through the same I did ever. I do not live my life hating anyone and I do not want the pity of anyone. But I'm also eternally grateful to my family. I am grateful to my uncle "Cholo", for rescuing my mom. And to the elder lady, for showing me that in the most difficult moments in life, there are angels that come from the sky. And dad, I am sorry. I know you loved my mom very much. I never meant to hurt you and our family this way.
People say it was an accident, but still I am responsible for what happened. And for this, for the loss of my mom and the destruction of our family, I carry a cross for the rest of my life. But you know I want nobody to feel sorrow or sadness for me. I can’t imagine any other way to live. Mom, I look forward to the time when I can see you again. I have missed you so very much, and every day, you are in my heart and in my mind. This will never change. And to you, Hugo, even though you live like this now, I hope one day you come to peace and that in the day you finally reunite with your mom again, the sky is sunny, butterflies fly on the air , the birds are singing, little boys are running all around and from your lips, a smile comes again. I love you mom. I always will.
